So how has everyone been? Good I hope. Sorry for my sporadic posting, but it seems as if life is trying to teach me a lesson or two. Without going into too much detail, I revealed recently I had a loved one in the hospital. I am happy to report that my loved one has since been sent home, but this latest experience was a very traumatic one. I'm up to 3 pretty major traumas in a year. Seems as if my life is stuck on the merry-go-round of never ending stress.
For those who know me, they would attest to my ability to put on a brave face over the last year and a half. I remain hopeful that there is a better plan and that life will, in time, be peaceful. However, this last trauma felt like the tip of the iceberg, it felt like it was all way too much. I started experiencing panic attacks - waking up in the middle of the night with my heart racing and my stomach in knots. My body and mind trying to tell me to rest, slow down, decompress, allow healing, and feel what it is that needs to be felt. Sometimes we simply can't push through the pain, we need to sit with it, acknowledge it, and make peace with it, before moving forward.
The worst part is feeling as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders alone. The divorce, the house, the kids, their health, my health, finances. At two in the morning when you awaken with a panic attack in a dark bedroom, you realize that you are on your own. However, there are so many people that want to help us if we are just willing to let them in.
Last Friday after a particularly bad day, I heard a knock on the front door.
I get up off the couch, wondering who it could be, dog at heels, his curiosity peaked as well.
I open the door to see my sister on the front steps with food in her hands.
Me (surprised): "Hi. What are you doing?"
Sister (wearing a big grin): "I'm sleeping over!" she announces.
Me (laughing a little): "You can't sleep over." Thinking how silly it seems at our ages.
Sister: "Why not? I brought dinner. Let's go eat."
She knew I needed company. She understood I felt alone. She's been there herself.
After dinner, scrubbing our faces, and comparing skincare rituals, we were pooped out and decided to call it a night.
The lights were turned off and as I rested my head on my pillow I heard her voice: "Do you want me to just hold you so you can cry?"
Awe. I smiled to myself, I was so touched. I didn't say anything, I just reached out and squeezed her hand in the dark.
Apparently, she has decided sleepovers will be a regular occurrence for awhile. The dog is thrilled - he thinks she's coming to see him.
Who has given you comfort during a difficult time? Was there anything in particular they did that truly made a difference?