the ugly truth: casualties of war

My children have become casualties of war. It's the truth. This is all to common and sickening in families who are divorcing around the world.

My goal all along has been to protect them, to do what it takes to have their basic needs provided for, and to shelter them from any pain that I possible can.

High conflict divorces can become a three ring circus, seemingly never reaching resolution. I have the utmost respect for anyone who puts their children first during a divorce, regardless of how they felt about the other party upon leaving the marriage.

Children should not have to pay a price or suffer. My children have been sharing a beat up car that is not safe for the winter, while I have tried, time and time again, to get the title signed over so that I may have it properly insured. Apparently, even though I'm paying to insure it, it doesn't matter because the title is still not in my name.

Yesterday I was having not the best day to begin with when the phone rang.

Me: "Hello?"

Daughter (voice cracking): "Mom? I got pulled over, I was only do 10 miles over the speed limit, (sobs start), I'm sorry. He said he has to take the plates because it's not insured in the owner's name."

I'm thinking, here we go. I have told everyone this was going to happen and I tried to prevent it: the ex's lawyer, my lawyer - it is really, in my opinion, so unnecessary that my daughter should have to be a pawn for misdirected anger and controlling tactics. I feel disgusted.

Me: "Okay, well, we knew this could happen. Where are you? Can I come get you?"

Daughter: "The cop is going to call you."

The cop calls and he is sympathetic. He is what you expect a cop to be: protective and helpful.
He says he will follow her home to make sure she doesn't get pulled over and come talk with me.

He talks to his boss who tells him not to give her a ticket, just advises not to drive the vehicle until we are the title holder, (I'm not holding my breath). His boss tells him, "They have been through enough, it is not their fault, they are good people, let it go."

Daughter comes in, with cop in tow, and he takes the time to talk to us about his similar experience growing up. He tells her she doesn't deserve any of this, that she is a good kid, and she has a Mom that loves her. He tells me I don't deserve any of this, and that if my son ever wants to talk to him, just have him give a call.

I am so grateful for his kindness, I begin to tear up and my daughter's eyes well over too. He's been there, he gets it, he sees the situation and the dynamics for what it is, and in that moment I feel understood.

So, my plea to anyone out there is this: I don't care how you feel about your spouse. If you had children together, they are still your children, and your responsibility. Children should NEVER be made to suffer or not have their basic necessities met. It's hard enough for kids having to lose their family as they knew it, some have to switch school districts, move from the home they love, and away from their friends. The less interruptions in their lives the better.