It's New Years Eve. I'm alone in my quiet house, the kids are off with their friends. I'm soaking in a tub full of bubbles after working my thankless retail job until 7:00 P.M., that had me picking articles of clothing off the fitting room floor that entitled shoppers left behind, never considering that someone has to actually clean up their mess.
But that's what I do now. I clean up messes. I'm currently in the process of cleaning up the mess my husband has left us in. As my toes begin to web, I wonder if perhaps I should be sad that I'm alone? It dawns on me that I was never more lonely then while I was married. I try to pinpoint what I'm feeling. Tired? Bored? Content? Yes, that's it - I'm content.
I slip on my pi's and crawl into bed. I catch up on reading as the dog curls up next to me, he's content too. It's 11:59 and 2012 is about to make it's quick exit. I prepare a text for the kids, and on the stroke of midnight, I hit the send button. I get quick replies back as the kids and I wish each other a Happy New Year and send exclamations of love. I wish the dog a Happy New Year and he half-heartily wags his tail, too tired to give it his full-blown effort. I pat his head and turn off the light. I smile in the dark and wish myself a Happy New Year.
Have you ever been in a relationship that left you with a sense of loneliness? Relationships are supposed to provide us with a sense of connection, when there is a disconnect, the void leaves us feeling disappointed, misunderstood, and alone. Thoughts?
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