For those of you who have asked, yes, I am still not divorced. Longest divorce known to man. The ex moved across the country and continues to pretend to be a big-wig, all while failing to provide basic necessities for his children, such as helping them obtain a safe vehicle, college tuition, or helping to pay the property taxes. My name has been removed from their college accounts, making the switch from domestic abuse to financial abuse. After the assault, he continues his efforts to overturn the restraining orders, insisting the children want to see him, and my influence is the reason that they choose not to. I am not the one who left his son bloodied, or left his daughter disappointed, when he failed to help the kids get a car like he promised. Yes, I'm sure he has his struggles too. It's what he's doing now to his children that is determining whether or not they will ever have a relationship with him in the future. For that I can not be held accountable. Some people just never get it.
Calls to his lawyer go unanswered, and with no quick resolution in sight, I have accepted that in God's timing, he will provide for the children and I. He will open the doors that need to be opened and provide the opportunities that will bring resolution. I can only do what I can do each day. Work on my resumé, pay the bill I can that week, fill out the financial aid forms for my son's college, and continue my search for housing that would be suitable, (and hopefully, better than the rental we looked at with the pedophile upstairs - I kid you not).
Our struggles can make us or break us. We can stay victimized and spend the rest of our lives feeling sorry for ourselves, or we can emerge stronger, wiser, and have a new appreciation for all that is beautiful in our lives. When we have challenges, we no longer take anything for granted. My favorite quote is from the Disney movie, Mulan - cheesy, but true. "The flower that blooms in adversity is the most beautiful flower of all."
How have your struggles shaped your live? Have they given you a new appreciation for what is beautiful, simple, and true?
I have an awesome giveaway going on if you haven't entered. It's for one lucky winner to receive a copy of the cookbook, What Katie Ate, by Katie Quinn Davies. Katie is an amazing food stylist and photographer from down under - her imagery alone will have your mouth watering! Good luck. xoxo
I hope things will work out in best possible way for you and your kids :-)
ReplyDeleteI too hope things will work out for you and your kids. I don't know how you do it. I would be so angry I would explode. On the other side of the coin, I would be strong as you are for your kids and know that I took the high road.
ReplyDeleteSam
Our struggles can make us or break us. We can stay victimized and spend the rest of our lives feeling sorry for ourselves, or we can emerge stronger, wiser, and have a new appreciation for all that is beautiful in our lives. When we have challenges, we no longer take anything for granted. My favorite quote is from the Disney movie, Mulan - cheesy, but true. "The flower that blooms in adversity is the most beautiful flower of all." Powerful words, Debby!! I was raised in an abusive home....pulled out my eyelashes the whole time I lived there...but, Praise God, I rose above it and chose not to live as a VICTIM. This type of thinking will keep you and your children victorious over abuse. Anger, bitterness, revenge, and unforgiveness will eat you alive...bad health often comes from this. You are amazing and strong. I continue to lift you up in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI just love everything that Pam wrote.
DeleteI am sorry to hear it Debby but I have a feeling these struggles are shaping you in a big and profound way, maybe not even fully in a way you can now understand. Take for instance the incredible role model you are for your kids. Don't underestimate the power of this. They will grow into strong and able adults that have the ability to challenge things when they are not going well, because of you and how you have handled this situation.
ReplyDeleteThink of it this way....he is who he is. He cannot escape it. You can and you have. He is stuck with his misery,at the end of the day he needs to reconcile with himself all this hurt he has caused. You however, are able to walk away, pride and integrity intact......think of it as a cleansing of the toxicity.
You are the kind of girl who I know will bloom where she is planted. I think 2013 is going to being some great things for you. Your kids are lucky to have you. And so are all of us here in blogland:)
You are amazing at dealing with your struggles, I think generally women are - what choice do we have!
ReplyDeleteHave a fab Tuesday Hun xoxo
http://www.intotheblonde.com/
i've been through so many struggles that i care not to talk about - but each one has made me who i am today - i now know symptoms and cues of when things are going 'wrong' - and i also learned boundaries and limits as well .. i am such a different women then i was 10 - 15 years ago - even 5 years ago ... it's true, what doesn't kill you make you stronger!
ReplyDeleteGood morning dear Debby.
ReplyDeleteWhat you are saying here rings SO TRUE TO ME AT THIS MOMENT. Your situation is totally different from any one of mine, but what is connecting for me her is HOW WE ACT in the midst of adversity. I have learned a huge lesson in the last eight months. I am the only one that can make my situations tolerable. Too much to say here, but just know that your story and conclusion ring SO TRUE. Love, Anita
It's fitting you wrote this Debby - I am having a bit of a family issue at the moment and I really appreciated other's comments above about emerging stronger than ever before. I had 'words' with a family member (on my birthday! arrrghh) which ended badly but it was a breakthrough for me and although I feel bad about how things transpired, I am not sorry for standing up for myself and not falling for the victim role or being told that "it's all in your head" when there's something that has to be addressed and I didn't allow it to be swept under the rug.
ReplyDeleteYou're a tough woman and I know others can identify with what you have been going through.
Your ex is a piece of...something that should not be typed here. Your actions and behavior continue to set a beautiful example for your kids. I hope the ex pays in many ways and gives your kids everything.
ReplyDeletexoxo,
Chic 'n Cheap Living
I feel your pain, Debby. Our family court system is pathetic. I had to pay for every dime paid towards my daughter's college and all other expenses. No one seems to know where he is. I have found that it is better to do without him. I don't care where he is, but he court and the IRS probably do.
ReplyDeleteHang in there.
Happy Tuesday.
Teresa
xoxo
Our struggles just make us stronger! There is always a light at the end of the tunnel and gold at the end of the rainbow! Sending good wishes your way for a new year full of light and love.
ReplyDeleteKim
Debby, it's always up to the "good" parent or the "good" partner. I, myself, have been through all this (many years ago) and it does take time to right yourself with the new reality, but know it does happen. The only change you can make is within yourself. Please believe me when I say I understand how you feel. I still have old tapes playing in my head sometimes. But, now I know I learned so much, I grew in maturity, learned from difficulties and, in the end, became a better person. We all love & value you and your spirit. Blowing a kiss, darling...
ReplyDeleteDebby, I'm so sorry for the heartache that you are experiencing. You are such a beautiful writer and express your thoughts so well. I always tell my girls...that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Wishing you all the best in 2013. Love your blog.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, he will be an old man full of regrets for abandoning his children when they needed him most. His relationship with them has been forever altered and can never be fully restored as they will never forget how he made them feel. While I don't know you personally, I feel as if I do because you are such a wonderfully expressive writer. What I do know is that you are young, beautiful and very strong and your children will always feel your love and dedication to them - that is a bond that they will carry in their hearts forever. These life challenges will make you even stronger and believe it or not, your children as well. It is heartbreaking what you have all had to endure but they will also emerge stronger and more able to deal with life's challenges as they get older. I'm praying for you all and hoping that 2013 will be a beautiful new beginning for you all :)
ReplyDeleteYou are right Debby .. We can't or should nit allow ourselves to be victims forever. He will likely never see the light.... Your kids WILL figure it out. Thank God they are strong and resilient like their mom! Unfortunately some things in life never change or will always create a knot in our stomach. New year ahead.. Baby steps .. Focus on snything that's positive.
ReplyDeletexxleslie
If I had money, I would give you all of it. I'm serious. You and your children are such good people.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and wishing you the best! Happy New Year and hope 2013 changes all for the better, the best. xoxo
ReplyDeleteBecause of the way you think and because you
ReplyDeleteare a fabulous genuine lady!!!
With strength positive thinking and patience everything will happen the way it is suppose to happen.
Situation like this makes you realize how as a women we can move mountains!!!Cheer's Debby
Luv Sonia
XO
Debby,
ReplyDeleteYour strength and determination continue to astound and impress. Your children are most fortunate and will continue to gain strength from your great example. I wish you the best in your search for a new home and I hope you find a reward job in the near future.
xo,
Karen at Garden, Home and Party
I'm sorry this al has happened to you and your sweet children. I hope he takes responsibility but sounds like he is avoiding this. Your children are better off without him. i seriously have not been in your shoes and can't begin to understand how hard it is for you. I am hoping nothing but good things for you this new year.
ReplyDeleteDebby,
ReplyDeleteThis is so hard, but your words are wise. And God is faithful. Having been through some of the same things, I can look back now and see how God provided for me and how He protected and guarded my daughter.
I am believing the same for you and your children.
Debby.....shoot, I would love to give that man a piece of my mind! But I'm afraid that wouldn't help....All we can do is pray for him.....that some how he will be the man he should be and not a weeny. You hang in there....
ReplyDeleteDebby, I would love to do a lot of things to that man but then I wouldn't be able to live with myself…I know for a fact that your kids are benefitting from YOU and not from him…you are the positive influence and FABULOUS role model that they need! I'm certain beyond certainties that God is using this in their life and in yours for His good! It may not be obvious or visible at this very moment but it will end up making them into the kind of people that you want them to be! Your lousy ex will have to live with himself and wallow in his misery. This makes me so angry and I want to do anything at all possible to help you! You are the salt of the earth…the kind of woman I can only hope to be! I am beyond thankful that I've gotten to know you and I want you to know that I am always here for you! Even if you want to pick up the phone and call me! I would love to talk! You are such a dear and I love the fact that you can share your heart and paint the picture for what it is. I'm praying for you and I'm here for you.
ReplyDeleteKeep blooming. So many of us have walked this path.....its unfortunate that there is often a power differential between the custodial mother and the angry father. Its unfortunate that that despited laws enacted to prevent this type of abuse, the agencies intended to enforce protective laws often have no muscle.
ReplyDeleteDebby you are absolutely right that the way we deal with struggles determine our future. God will continue to provide and protect you and your family. You are definitely an inspiration to someone my age on how to deal with difficulties. You certainly remind me of my Mum and how she dealt with the struggles she faced
ReplyDeletexo Stephanie
Parisian, stunning, captivating.
ReplyDeleteYou just keep on doing what you're doing Debby, and all will be alright (not necessarily easy mind you, but OK). xxoo.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear everything you are going through and it makes me sad that his actions will directly reflect his relationship with the kids. They're the ones who will suffer the most. Hang in there. Things seem to have a way of working themselves out even though it doesn't seem like it at the time. Your kids are lucky to have you. xo
ReplyDeleteDeb, I am SO sorry about all you're going through. It can't be easy, but I admire what a strong woman you are.
ReplyDeleteDear Debby, I am so sorry you are still going through so much! Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers...
ReplyDeleteThe latest blow was difficult to hear however I do believe that what I have been through has made me even more compassionate for others.
We will get through this!
xoxo
Karena
Art by Karena
This man is a waste of space...What's the matter with men? So many of them are insensitive, don't have a sense of responsibility, are self-centered...Most of the world's problems are caused by men. I say we take over. They had their chance, it's now women's turn!
ReplyDeleteIf only...
(I should have a disclaimer, I did marry a decent man, but I know darn well they are few and far between!)
Hang in there, kiddo! He will soon be a bad memory.
Lovely photos, so sorry you are in this situation. I hope that from here on your journey is better every day. xx -Taj
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post! You will no doubt influence and inspire some women who are experiencing abuse to realize that they can leave and make a life for themselves on their own. Challenges we face shape us to become the leaders we are meant to be for ourselves and others around us. Never stop raising your voice :)
ReplyDelete