Forgiveness seems to be a repeating theme this week. I gave an apology, a loved one received a much needed apology, and a friend is in turmoil over an apology that has not been forthcoming.
Why is forgiveness so important do you think? I have been tossing this question around in my head the last couple of days. When someone says sorry, they are acknowledging that they caused us pain. When we apologize, we admit we were careless with another's trust, feelings, or simply took their love for granted.
Why is it so hard for people to apologize? Pride. No one likes to admit they messed up. It's always easier to blame someone else.
Some people would rather stay mad then accept an apology. Anger protects us from being hurt again. If we let down our guard and forgive, we might actually have to suffer the painful feelings that were behind all that anger.
People are human. Half the time we don't even intend to hurt one another. We all are fighting a hard battle. We all make mistakes. We may never understand why someone hurt us the way they did, and maybe we don't need to figure it out. Maybe we just need to simply be kind.
Is there anyone you need to apologize to? Perhaps, there is someone you are waiting to receive an apology from? What would happen if you chose to just let it go?
I have learned that forgiveness is the oil which keeps relationships running...especially forgiveness given when we just do not want to do it. It is also good for our health...harboring bitterness will eat us alive, but true forgiveness is better than any vitamin on the market. Life is to short to go through it with a frown!!
ReplyDeleteI so agree with Pam. Not being able to either say sorry or forgive will torment a person's soul unless that person is totally self centered and oblivious to other's feelings. In that case, letting go and accepting that person for who they are is the only recourse. One, of course, has a choice to keep a person in their life or stay away to avoid being affected by unnecessary negativity
ReplyDeleteGreat post and topic. I have to admit (but not proud of) that I need closure and get hung up on things like getting a proper apology. I just don't know what its like to let go even though I do wish I could, I am sure its quite liberating to just let it out the window and let the worries fly away.....forgiveness brings closure, to me it brings a friendship or relationship one step closer to that perfect place.....admitting and owning our actions and taking blame for them when appropriate allows us to be vulnerable but its like a commitment to wanting to make things better and uttering that apology is kind of like the "sacrifice" to prove it. My mantra to those who know me well is "everyone is fighting some kind of battle" and boy is that ever true! Wishing you a great day Debby:)
ReplyDeleteThis is a great question and one that has been up in the air since humankind began.
ReplyDeleteYou are right my dear - PRIDE keeps all of us from experiencing the humbling but BEAUTIFUL state of living with as much of a pure heart as we can. Forgiving and accepting forgiveness requires that we die to our anger. We are a complicated lot, but we are mortal. I have many a time have had to ask for forgiveness and it is easier to just GO FACE TO FACE and let it all out. I have also been the recipient of someone asking me to forgive them, and there was on particular incident that was the most wonderful of all...but it took many years to happen.
Lovely thought for the day, lovely images. Stay well and know that you are LOVED! Anita
to make amends except when to do so would injure them or others...don't unburden yourself at the expense of others. I try to make amends as soon as I understand that I have done a boo boo. Keeps my pallet clean
ReplyDeleteI'm always happy to make or accept an apology - life's too short!
ReplyDeleteHappy Wednesday Hun xoxo
http://www.intotheblonde.com/
Very wise. Happily all things are well right now.
ReplyDeleteI have had the unfortunate luck to meet a few people that should apologize to me. But I have let it go. Most things in this world are rather trivial and can definitely be forgiven.
ReplyDeletexoxo,
Chic 'n Cheap Living
I feel like I am one of those people that gets over things pretty quickly...I am not stubborn and don't hold grudges..life is too short for that...
ReplyDeleteForgiveness is actually a selfish act as you are the one who benefits!
ReplyDeleteGod, love and forgiveness are three words that mean the same thing.
Embrace forgiveness as it will change your life for the better.
I know this to be true.
Great post Debby!!!
XO
I totally feel ya. I used to want an apology from someone, but now I just refuse to think about them. I apologize all the time... I do stupid things a lot and am incredibly socially awkward.
ReplyDeleteI agree with most of this. HOWEVER, and it's obviously a big however, some of us don't want an apology we want blood! And unfortunately even when an apology is accepted, the guilty party is never quite able to live it down. I am always running afoul of my girlfriends when I point out that the hubby or BF in the dog house DID in fact apologize, in the way that men do, which is to say it was not done in the manner the woman wanted the apology done. So the man feels that whatever he does, is not enough and the woman feels like he didn't mean it, the apology that is. No successful communication, no moving on. Years go by, these little disagreements pile up and soon the relationship cannot bear the weight of them.
ReplyDeleteI am (slowly) learning that making amends feels so much better than hanging onto the anger / hurt / bitterness. Even more so I try to remind myself that I need to forgive people even if they're not sorry - if only for my own state of mind.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post, Debby. I love reading everyones comments.
You heal so much fast when you let go!
ReplyDeleteso much fastER that is...haha
ReplyDeleteI think in the long run it helps us heal...its not good to carry around anger.....it will make us sick!
ReplyDeleteYou hit the nail right on the head. People stay mad to protect themselves. But then they are all alone. It's the eternal question: Would you rather stay alone and never be hurt or be in love and feel the pain??
ReplyDeletexo
Sharon
I've recently backed away from someone that has angered me. She senses me pulling away and has now taken to texting me nonstop.
ReplyDeleteYou are right.. people are generally good and do not mean, or aren't aware that they are hurting you. I tend to close up and avoid the person or situation rather than allow for a resolution. The result is one less friend or spending more time alone (which isn't all that bad on certain occasions!)
Sometimes I have to re-think about my friends. We should generally surround ourselves with people that don't create drama and have a positive outlook on life. If I keep getting irritated, I need to move on... which means, see the person less and get to know other people or (in my case recently) get in touch with a few friends I haven't seen in a while.
Getting thoughts out in the open and being honest is important. If we make a mistake and hurt someone, we need to own it.. and resolve things with that person. Being genuine and sincere is really important to me.
xxleslie
Great post. I've always been the type of person to readily admit my mistakes and always apologize to move forward. It surprises me how many people refuse to admit when they're wrong and simply offer an apology. Perhaps it's a pride thing or always having to be right.
ReplyDeleteI've been waiting for an apology from someone for a few months now - after constantly forgiving her for her actions (or sometimes lack of actions) and finally having her lash out at me for no reason, it's a tough thing to do to just forget. Sometimes an apology is due and as much as I'd like to just forgive like usual, being the target of someone's accusations hurts and only an apology acknowledging what was said and apologizing for it is needed to move on. To me, that's what it means to truly care about someone. For now, I've distanced myself which sometimes is the only solution to avoid constant hurt and negativity. Maybe someday she'll come around.
xo
I normally don't make resolutions, but this year mine is to learn to forgive and let go of anger. It's definitely easier said then done but I'm trying to operate under the assumption that everyone is doing the best they can :)
ReplyDelete