Recently I had the pleasure of meeting the talented team behind The Family Dinner Project. It is a grassroots movement to encourage families to schedule regular family dinners together. Not always an easy thing to do in today's busy world. It allows family members to reconnect. Studies show that children whose families put an emphasis on family dinners, have higher grade point averages, better self esteem and are less likely to dabble in drugs and have a reduced risk of teen pregnancy.
I stayed home to raise my kids. Most nights I made dinner with an occasional take out pizza night. I understood the importance of sharing a meal. Since my divorce everything has changed. I work crazy hours. Sometimes I joke that my daughter and I are living like two college kids. We are constantly coming and going, rushing in for a change of clothes, a bite to eat, and if we have enough time, taking the wet towels, that have been growing mold in the washer, and putting them into the dryer. Not ideal.
On the evenings when we are both home, I make sure to plan a meal. My son who lives on college food, really has learned to appreciate the comforts of home and having his Mom cook for him. Divorce affects children too. Sharing a family meal helps give them a sense of security, a knowing that they will always have a home and loved ones to fall back on.
One night last week I was dirt tired. I had worked nine hours and my daughter had eaten before I got home. My head was pounding but she asked if I'd like to go through the local McDonald's drive thru for a Peppermint McFlurry. I agreed but only if she drove. Somewhere along the way we decided we'd take photos of the Christmas lights during our drive. We dubbed it our own little "drive by shooting." Not a successful photo shoot by any means and, yeah, I almost dropped my camera out the window.
Fast forward to the drive thru as we await our turn to order:
Daughter: "What do you want?"
Me: "Oh, I'll get a Peppermint McFlurry, but make it snack size."
Daughter orders. We edge up a bit, waiting in line to reach the next window. I'm thinking I need a McFlurry, like I need a hole in the head, but I wasn't about to pass up an opportunity to spend time with her.
Me: "You realize I'm one McFlurry away from being the fat kid at work that nobody talks too."
No response from daughter. She's used to my silly rantings.
As we are pulling out of the parking lot, Last Christmas, by Wham, comes on the radio. We crank the radio and sing along with George Michael, between spoonfuls of Peppermint ice cream and laughter. Not exactly what you would call a family dinner, but it had the same effect.
Do you try to schedule regular family dinners? How many nights a week would you say your family shares a meal on average?
Speaking of family dinners, did you enter my cookbook giveaway yet? You can enter to win a copy of At My French Table by Jane Webster. It's a mouth watering display of photography and delicious food. Good luck!
Lovely post and one I can relate to very much. I'm not divorced but my parents were and I know how much my mother valued keeping things "normal". My sister and I became more involved in meal time (we were 15 & 12 at the time) so that my mother didn't have to do all of it when she came in from work. When my children were born I too was a stay-at-home mom and spent valuable time with the boys. We made meal time family time, until they started hockey & soccer and baseball and schedules became insane, but even if it was take-out, we ate together. And we talked.
ReplyDeleteThe drive by shooting (love that!) and precious time with your daughter? You never give that up -- whenever the opportunity presents I love doing things like that with either of my sons (who are now 24 and 21)...we have some of our best conversations and life sharing moments in the car!
LOVED this Debby...it brought tears to my eyes and made me laught at the same time, love when you share these little snippets of conversations, felt like I was almost there! I think its all about the time you spend, not what, where or when. Whether its Mcdonalds, a fancy restaurant or your kitchen island....as long as we all take the time to spend and eat together is what counts!
ReplyDeleteWe TRY to eat as a family as often as possible....realistically we do this about 3-4 times a week which I think might be above the average...woo hoo! It is frankly easier to eat according to everyones different schedules, it takes work to coordinate for us all to sit down at the same time but studies show over and over the imporance of it so I do my best to make it happen. I am intrigued to find out more about this Family dinner project. Enjoy every precious moment with your family......peppermint mcflurries included.
WE totally believe in eating together. In fact, it is the only time we have together, or at least the second occasion we get, coming in second to taking daily walks. That dinner time is a ritual that is followed by tea time and a movie, then a snooze on each other....it is routine, but that is what makes all of us feel safe.
ReplyDeleteoh Debby, you too leave the towels in the washer? teehee...I am notorious for that! shhhh.....
Your children will never forget you, ever.
Much love, Anita
Ian & I always sit down together to eat at the dining table, it's a great chance to catch up on each others day.
ReplyDeleteHave a fab Tuesday Hun xoxo
http://www.intotheblonde.com/
when i have my own 'family' i'd love to have sit down meals all the time - but i do remember as a kid HATING when my friends had to leave b/c it was 5pm and they HAD to be home for dinner - i think it's great family time - but doesn't need to be every single night - and a stop for McFlurries, singing in the car with ur daughter - sounds like family night to me!
ReplyDeleteYour stories always hit right at home! Loved this! Yes, we always had family dinners together…it was very important to me. I love to cook and I love to sit with my children and be able to hear them talk without it being an interrogation of sorts! Food always brings out the best in them! When it got down to just one child left, that was a bit hard because it was a little depressing to me that our whole family wasn't here anymore…we had to truly make an effort to continue on as normal…so a lot of times we did eat on tv trays watching a good show…but it was still the three of us together. Hope that still counts! He's turned out pretty good and I don't think he thought much about WHERE we ate but that we did indeed eat together! It's all about making memories..which I might add…you are excellent at seizing any opportunity to do that with! Thanks for sharing this!
ReplyDeleteI came from a home where we almost always had a family dinner (minus dance class, religion class, etc.) Our daughter was just born (1 week old today!) and this is definitely something we want to instill in our own family.
ReplyDeleteYou are a special lady, and a great mom!!!!
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas
You are the coolest mom Debby! My family tried to have Sunday dinner together even if we were running around the rest of the week. it is something my husband and I try to do now. Dinner time is definitely a time to reconnect and eat a good meal!
ReplyDeletexoxo,
Chic 'n Cheap Living
Those kind of moments are rare and so meaningful.
ReplyDeleteWhen my kids were all still at home and into every sport possible, we ate out alot. We had a favorite Mexican restaurant that we went to a couple times a week. (We had more money then, hah) I never felt guilty about that because the whole family was there face to face, and talking together. We probably got more family time doing that than everyone coming and going and eating a different times.
We have always had dinner together....its so important to have that time to connect and build relationships through breaking bread together....it seems so simple, but in today's world its so difficult.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the great reminder, Debbie!
ReplyDeleteSuch a wonderful story. I always grew up with family dinners until I started doing ballet every day. Until then, it was always at 5 pm no matter what. I loved that.
ReplyDeleteGreat idea. We try to have dinner together at least three times a week. Sunday is a must have dinner as a family day. No exceptions. Our families schedules are quite all over the place but I do see the importance of sitting down and talking and reconnecting. Glad you found time to do it with your daughter, those are the memories that will always remember.
ReplyDeleteSuch a sweet post, Deb. I think family dinners are an absolute must when your children are still in school and at home. I never failed on this one. But, for me, it was tradition as this is the way I was brought up. When I think about those lost individuals (like the Connecticut shooter) who never had the proper foundation for a productive and wonderful life I always go back to parenting. Yes, indeed, a great reminder right here at holiday time, thank you for this.
ReplyDeleteCrazy divorced life for me too going on 8 years as a single working mom (used to be homemaker/dinner mom). My last 2 kids Girls 15 and 19 are in shock when we do family dinner, but we all love it and they have a keen interest in cooking now! We all adapt and it's super fun in that dinners are MORE appreciated now that time is more precious with our totally different schedules. Merry Christmas to you and your little family. I love to read your blog and am amazed at your energy- with a more than full time job I can hardly write a postcard, let alone update my blog regularly! xoxox
ReplyDeleteI love your little and oh so precious family stories, they are truly hearwarming. It's so nice that you're so close with your daughter and I so understand your frustration with the 'ice cream/fat kid' thing. At our age it just doesn't budge! I guess we're not supposed to be sexy and skinny anymore but I will never stop trying! Keep these posts coming and Merry Christmas to you!
ReplyDeletexo
Sharon
Debby,
ReplyDeleteWe usually ate together when the kids were growing up, but the love you share with your family shows through, and they understand we can't always sit down to a meal together. What a sweet post.
xo,
Karen at Garden, Home and Party
My family's schedule is allover the place, but I look forward to the nights when we can eat together.
ReplyDeleteThis is an important and thought provoking post as many try to analyze, point fingers.. and figure out the cause or reasons why someone would take another's life. The family unit has evolved .. and in some ways not for the better. I think a lot of people feel family or friendless..
ReplyDeleteStrength and love starts at home. When the kids were growing up, I would light a candle and turn off the television at dinner time. Family support, love, and encouragement is so important.
You are such a great mom Debby:)
I think the moments that you do get to spend with your kids help to make up for the lack of family dinners at the moment. And the important thing is that that got them when they were young, they're old enough now to know that things are in a temporary upheaval but you would have a family dinner prepared for them everyday if you could :)
ReplyDeleteI am a firm believer of the family dinner. I think are society is getting
ReplyDeleteaway from the family unit. To many sports scheduled late into the evening and sports on Sundays. It leaves no time for family. I run an old fashioned house with family dinners most nights during the week and will aim to keep that going as long as possible. It keeps us close as a family. Those close ties have continued even with my oldest at college, we talk everyday and I am proud to say even 2-3 times a day. Could be five minutes when she walking to and from class but it keeps all of us feeling connected to what is going on in each of our lives. You can only do the best you can do! If time permits do the family dinner and if not your kids still know you adore them! xo Have a wonderful holiday with your family
Donna
thebeneblog.com