My girlfriend and I went to lunch yesterday and had an interesting talk about marriage and how easy it is to become complacent. The honeymoon phase is fleeting, add a couple of kids, a mortgage, stress from work, unspoken resentments and it's no wonder relationships suffer... sometimes we are just too exhausted to do the work required to keep the spark ignited.
The dating phase is so magical because it leaves us feeling cherished. I think that is what every woman wants the most. To feel cherished. Special. Even in the midst of crying babies, testy toddlers, pesky in-laws and crazy schedules, simple things like sharing a locked gaze from across the kitchen, a bunch of flowers for no reason, or a neck rub just because can mean the world.
What do you do to keep the spark in your relationship? What does your partner do that makes you feel cherished?
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Great minds think alike! I was also thinking about marriage and did a post about it today. We travel a lot, so that keeps the spark alive, we also live between three countries so there's always a lot of excitement. Discovering new places, meeting new people...We enjoy spending time together, perhaps too much sometimes :)
ReplyDeleteThe 'locked gaze from across the kitchen' made me laugh...hard. There have been times when my hubby has been 'gazing' at me, and my response has been 'do I have something on my face/dress/hair?'...hehehe
ReplyDeleteI would say the best thing my husband does is he has patience. I am quite passionate...about everything (from how clean I want my house to politics) and a as a result, he just lets me go, and hugs me when I'm done.
For my part, I try to listen and touch or kiss him every time I pass him. Its not much, but sometimes all we each need is just to know the other is there...no matter what.
As always, great pictures! :)
This is so true, my hubs is very loving by nature, it's me that needs to make more effort!
ReplyDeleteHe lets me be me, without judgement. I have been married for 20 years, it is not "exciting", but it is solid and deep with so many moments of shared memories. A connection like this can only develop over time. Oh yeah, and we have the exact same wicked humor!
ReplyDeleteEverything you mentioned makes me sigh. Perhaps that's why I've become so picky...I want someone in my life who doesn't think it's a chore to bring me flowers for no reason.
ReplyDeleteAfter 28 years of marriage, I will confirm there are good and bad days...there are big stresses to face together...there are always challenges..but the word COMMITMENT must mean something. To me, it has meant that on the bad days, I get up and start all over again. It means I have to be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to become angry. It means I have to set my pride aside and give blessings for insults. We are really starting our relationship all over again as empty nesters...because it is just US. The romance is back and we are having fun! You have to be willing to weather the storms, and I write that knowing that some storms are much worse than others. Sometimes I know it doesn't work, but I fear today, many young people give up too soon.
ReplyDeleteI too, have been married 28 years and agree as an empty nester that the relationship is fun! Loved your comment!
Deletegreat post today. My best friend is getting a divorce and that is one of the main reasons she left. She did not feel cherished and even after telling her hubby nothing really changed
ReplyDeletewhat a difficult question Deby, I think the person (woman or man) has to have inside and when its not the case, well its not simply put. When I have a bad moment (we all do and if someone says they dont, they lie!)I always say to myself that giving up is not an option and try to see the brighter bits and work for the best!
ReplyDeleteDebby, it is difficult to keep the flame going, and the reason that being friends first is so important.
ReplyDeleteI know the now! I am still looking for the instructional guide?!
Happy Wednesday.
Teresa
xoxo
Good morning sweets!! I think both parties actively working on a relationship is the key. Its not always going to be easy, but the good should out weigh the bad:)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the email....we WILL be in touch soon:)
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Boy you nailed it Debby. I think its soooo common to get complacent, not just in marriage but in life, with friends,etc.....we try (less lately) to get away even if for just a few days, its a great way to spend one on one time and to fully relax. Last time we did this we went to Napa Valley and it was one of the most fun trips ever. Obviously a trip is not always in the cards, but even having a date night or just a few hours together alone is very important. And always trying to remember why you fell in love with each other in the first place!!
ReplyDeleteOh Debby, I just deleted the ridiculously long comment I realized I was leaving - it was like an entire post (or two). You know how I can get. I think we all want to feel cherished, or at least appreciated, both men and women. The key might be in finding a person who shows you that in the way you need it because we all give and receive it in different ways - explaining that was taking me wayyyy too long.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have the inside of our wedding rings engraved "be good to each other" and we live by that little rule. It works for us.
I think when all the tape and glue and strings that are holding you together right now, harden up and you are whole and healed again, a great big ball of love and cherish is going to smack right into your awesome self!
I find the most important thing a man wants is to be respected. The most important thing a woman wants is to be loved. If those two things are out of balance it creates a split.
ReplyDeleteThe husband and I really enjoy doing projects together and laughing nothing is more important then laughter to me. Mister man does nice things out of the blue and I love it. I was tired Saturday and he knew it so scrubbed the kitchen floor for me as a surprised. It's the little things.
ReplyDeleteRespect, love and cherishing each other are definitely starters, but I don't think there is any magic recipe to keep the spark going. Perhaps, expecting the spark to be constantly burning hot , is where we go wrong. There will be amazing days, good days, just days, not so good days ...and even disastrous days. xo HHL
ReplyDeleteEven though we've been married for a few years now, I still feel like we're in the honeymoon stage of our marriage. Maybe it's because we don't have kids, I'm sure that's why, but we are even more lovey dovey then when we were dating.
ReplyDeleteVoglio una cucina così.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Debbie. For me and my fiance it's just talking and listening to each other without distractions (exp. Cellphones.) Of course there's respect and loyalty and kindness as well as being quick to apologize when you're wrong. I've really enjoyed reading others comments.
ReplyDeleteDebby, your new header is gorgeous. My o my! I love it! Dawn Suitcase Vignettes xo
ReplyDeleteSuch a truthful post Debby! With full work schedules, dogs, and lives, it is so easy to get begin to rush around like a robot. I crave the nights in cuddling with a good bottle of wine and movie. That is actually one thing we do each week, every Friday, is take out, movie, and wine night! It is something we look forward to throughout the week! xo
ReplyDeleteIn a short resume, I feel cherish because, when I feel tired he gives me a massage, he cook dinner every night of the week..I get flowers at least once a month on the day we have met and at last I feel love like I've never felt before!
ReplyDeleteDon't ever settle for less every woman deserve to be cherish...
Beautiful post Debby
Sonia xo
We will be celebrating 30 years next Tuesday, and my next blog post will just barely scratch the surface of what he has done for me.....what we do for each other.
ReplyDeleteAnita
Debby,
ReplyDeleteThis strikes a chord right now b/c it has been a crazy month - full of inlaw visits, activities planned and some curve balls thrown in for good measure. I think we're needing that "connection" time that comes when we are not distracted and just enjoy each other's company.
Thanks for the reminder to keep that fire stoked!!
xoxo Elizabeth
Debby, once again you hit the nail right on the head. I am so tempted to forward this to my hubby and to my daughters future husband but I won't. It just doesn't seem the same if you have to remind them all the time. Your writing is always so eloquent.
ReplyDeleteI'm still fairly new to this marriage game, but I have learned that date nights, and quality time together is a must! And patience... lots of patience, and respect for each other. xo
ReplyDeleteAfter nearly 30 years of marriage I will say it's definitely NOT a cake walk. The peaks and valleys are difficult and many people throw in the towel thinking the grass is greener elsewhere. You are right - lots gets in the way and things get swept under the rug ("let's not argue in front of the kids")and then when there is no more room - we have to confront those issues. This is where the daily communication and signs of affection are so important. This can be a challenge for me as I work with women and teenagers all day long and sometimes I come home and feel I have no more juice to give .. to the person that needs it most. That said :) I always make a point of asking for.. or showing my love and affection. I say "ask for" because sometimes my husband isn't the best at communicating - ha!
ReplyDeleteKeep the fire burning ;)
leslie
Thoughtful post Debby. It is always the day to day, the little things that matter the most.
xx
leslie
Dear blogger!
ReplyDeleteLove your blogg, first view ever - but not the last. You are writing that you are dating right now, wonderful, ENJOY! I meet my BIG love for 25 years ago, I am from Sweden and my husband is an Palestinier (arab-israel). The picture at the train station (!?) could have been us! Because of studies we could only meet each other twice a month...Hamburg-Copenhagen for 7 years before we settled down in one home and country. Since 15 years we live in Israel.We love each other even more now (after 4 children 18 -9 years old). We have fighted for our love and a succesful marrige is one of the biggest human work! The first years with toddlers, breastfeeding, no sleep etc. is NOTHING when you compare when they grow up and are TEENAGERS!! As parents, couples - wow, how you need each other. That neck-rub, a smile, words like "together we will manage..."etc. GOOD LUCK with your love, life and your so beatiful blogg!!!
All joy, health and love
Zazza Susanne
I feel so fortunate that after 25 years I still feel like we're dating. It's pretty crazy but it's true. Dates, massages, flowers. They're all a regular part of our lives. And I also get a love note, well now email, every morning within minutes of when we leave each other. But I agree that relationships are work. All of these special things help us get through the hard times.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Debby! xoxo
love the images Debby! You are so right, sometimes we end the day so exhausted that we dont have energy to make that extra! talk half hour "about us" before sleeping... or just call eachother to ask for kids or home stuff.. It is something we have to keep in mind in order to maintain the relationship cherished..
ReplyDeletewe bring eachother's cups of tea, he gives me roses once in a while (3 times a year), I make his special desert sometimes.. i call him just to say i love you sometimes.. and we haven't stopped going to the movie theatre weekly ever since we got married.. that is the way we keep eachother closer and feel like we have a date once a week.
what did you do before?