Let's face it... at one time or another we have all been played. Sure there are decent devoted men but amongst them the players are circling looking to see who they can prey upon. They juggle several relationships effortlessly with exclamations of, "You are the only one for me." At some point, their deception is revealed leaving the women to realize that they have been sharing "Mr. Right," and that they are clearly not, "only one for him."
What blows my mind is how a large majority of the women will blame one another instead of the man. This is a diversion tactic the player uses to keep the women focused on each other as opposed to his act of betrayal. How can we blame the other woman when she clearly is in standing in our shoes? No one understand the hurt, betrayal, and lack of trust that you are feeling better than she does because she's feeling the exact same pain. She is not the cause.... she is also a victim. We should have compassion for her because she too has been hurt.
Why do you think women will sometimes blame the other female and not the man? Have you ever been guilty of this? Do you think men who have been played react the same way and blame the other male?
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Good morning dearest. I am running late, but I so love to come to see what you have to say and show. Life is certainly complicated and people make it even more difficult who are not honest, MAN OR WOMAN. My goodness, we could ALL make things better if we could all be kind.
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE SUPER! LOVE TO YOU THIS DAY, Anita
Interesting topic and thankfully one I am not familiar with but my guess is the woman who would blame the woman instead of the man feels less threatened by the woman and obviously is insecure and sees her as a direct threat who is trying to "invade her territory", this is an educated guess at best. Its unfortunate all the way around and results in hurt feelings that run deep. Honesty wins every time, even when you are hurting someone..at least they know where they stand. Have a good day Debby:)
ReplyDeleteI really have nothing to say on this topic...just wanted to say 'hi'! Hope you have a wonderful day! :)
ReplyDeleteSometimes she is the victim as well, and sometimes she is not. The man, obviously, never is in this situation.
ReplyDeleteI started to kind of date this guy once and then heard him taking a "private" call to his longtime GIRLFRIEND. I felt so sick and got outta there as fast as I could. so sick.
The blame game, nobody wins.
It depends, if she knows then she's fully to blame too but if she's in the dark, then she's innocent.
ReplyDeleteExactly. Years ago, I had a coworker confide in me that she was dating a married man. I asked her: "Don't you feel guilty about making a man cheat on his wife?". To which she replied: "It's not MY problem that he is cheating on his wife. It's his." Needless to say I was appalled. What do you answer to that? I then realized that she would never see the errors of her way.
DeleteI agree -- both parties are to blame if they both know the other's dating/marital situation. The worst is when they try to justify their actions like they did nothing wrong, ugh.
DeleteI know this is month's old but no one can MAKE anyone do anything. If a woman knows about the man being married, yes she is wrong. If he's only in a relationship then she's still innocent. The reason why I say this is because the verbal agreement between two ppl have nothing to do with a third party. No legal documents were signed. If they end the relationship two hours after it started, nothing changed. The third party has no obligations to the girlfriend. They didn't make the agreement. If the cheater tells their girlfriend "It's over between us" when the girlfriend finds out, they just ended that verbal agreement. The only ties two ppl have to each other in a relationship is a verbal agreement.
DeleteI know this is month's old but no one can MAKE anyone do anything. If a woman knows about the man being married, yes she is wrong. If he's only in a relationship then she's still innocent. The reason why I say this is because the verbal agreement between two ppl have nothing to do with a third party. No legal documents were signed. If they end the relationship two hours after it started, nothing changed. The third party has no obligations to the girlfriend. They didn't make the agreement. If the cheater tells their girlfriend "It's over between us" when the girlfriend finds out, they just ended that verbal agreement. The only ties two ppl have to each other in a relationship is a verbal agreement.
DeleteRelationships are never easy. The wedding is a fleeting moment in time but a marriage is hard work. I can barely scratch a surface trying to imagine the pain you must be in. Friends and family members will always disappoint us and vice versa but God never fails us. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI can honestly say I've never been in this situation (thank God) so can offer little advice. All I know is it takes two to tango!!
ReplyDeleteHave a fab weekend xoxo
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I luckily don't think I've ever been in that situation, but a little rule that I have for myself is that if my man cheats, it's over. I know this is a simplistic way of thinking about things, but I figure if my man is bad enough to stray, what is there to "fight" for?
ReplyDeletewanna know a crazy story? a girl i grew up with's dad would always travel for business... they live here in california, and they recently found out... he has a whole other family on the east coast!!! talk about playerrrrr! yes thats an extreme case but i guess women just have to trust their gut and think with their head and not their heart. there are so many gems and good guys out there... why do girls always want the bad boys?
ReplyDeletexx
I think that's crazy too. The one to blame is the person who has broken the commitment to you, no one else.
ReplyDeleteLuckily I have never been in that situation but I know too many who have.
Have a great weekend, Debby! xoxo
Oh, I totally agree. Completely one hundred percent. I think women blame women because we can relate to them and expect more out of them. Plus, it's easier to hate someone you never loved.
ReplyDeleteI Love what you are saying ! I am a hairdresser and listen to women all day complain about the X and they all say the same thing " She is crazy" if I had a dollar for every crazy X out there.
ReplyDeleteWell I hate to break it to you honey but she didn't start out crazy and most likely she is not crazy now thats just what he wants you to think so you feel sorry for him. And guess what else when he leaves you your he's crazy X !!! Why do women buy this ? Because as you said we love be the "only one "
Amen...you're right on. You'd think women would ban together, but it doesn't always happen. Maybe they blame each other because they want to believe the man they thought they loved would never do something so horrible...
ReplyDeleteIt has happened to the best of us at some point! I have never understood why the woman takes the blame no matter the situation.
ReplyDeleteHave a nice weekend, Debby.
Teresa
xoxo
Well said Debby! Is this a self-esteem issue? Is there something that we - as Mothers, can do to change the way women see themselves and to teach our boys how to be real men? Although I am married, I see this all the time with my single friends and young couples. I just don't get it..
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leslie
Debbi, If the other woman new he was married than both are guilty. If the woman was in the dark than I feel for her. It takes two to tango! It is very sad that there is such a lack of commitment. I do think who ever cheats should get less in the divorce. Maybe than they would think twice!
ReplyDeleteNever been in that situation so I've no idea what that feels like.
ReplyDeleteBut look at these gorgeous images! Oh Paris, how I heart you ;-)
Enjoy your weekend Debby!
There's always two sides to every story I guess. But it's definitely a very sad situation for the partner putting their heart and soul into a relationship to be betrayed. It's very important to have self respect and never put up with such things.
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning the unfaithful partner never intends to be found out. So the blyth dismissal of guilt is easy. Betrayal is one of the hardest pains we feel, be it our significant other or a best friend or a family member. I don't think men "feel" in the same way women do so I can't even go there about their guilt or devastation. It is the betrayer who should be blamed, but it takes both parties to bring something to the table. There will always be piranhas out there of both sexes. My daughter recently did something which I know I won't be able to forgive, but maybe I can find a way to understand. That's the best way to cope, for me. Love.....
ReplyDeleteThat's really interesting. I never realized how true it is that women blame other women. But I think it's simply because it's hard for the ego to believe and accept that you're really NOT number one. So it must be the other woman's fault. Either way it's painful all the way around.
ReplyDeleteWishing a you a great weekend!
xo
Sharon
OH Gush that was a hard pill to swallow to be betrayed,to the ego it's even worst...
ReplyDeleteAnd then, I blame myself from lack of judgement and not listening to my gut feeling!!!
The other woman was the stepping stone and their love is still
I've never been more happy either, happy ending!
Have a lovely and relaxing weekend Deddy
Sonia xo
I remember my mom trying to establish this very point in my head when I was all of 14! and found out I had been double-crossed by my "dirty-dog" crush. I still remember the moment of epiphany and the feeling I had when I finally got it. A lesson I have never forgotten.
ReplyDeleteI hope your weekend is as superb and beautiful as your lovely blog posts!
Keri
a guy friend sometimes told me that women only see the reality they want to see... and even though i think he's a pig for saying that i also believe there's a certain level of truth in this because we fail to see who is really to be blamed in these types of situations... Happy Friday!
ReplyDeleteI think women are more likely to blame the other woman because they are still in love with the cheating, horrible, excuse for a man, and in competition with the other woman. It's horrible.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I sometimes think if we women showed the unity of "sisterhood" as the gay community does, things would be much better ;-) It's not only in affairs of the heart that we seek to blame the other woman first; just think about the "corporate jungle"; you can see it going on there everyday unfortunately :-(
ReplyDeleteBeautiful photos. I like the second interior.
ReplyDeleteWomen can be each other's worst enemies when it comes to matters of the heart.
ReplyDeleteBetrayal is a relationship breaker for me ... but unless you are walking in a person's shoes, it's difficult to say with absolute certainty what one would do. That I'm aware ~ this has not happened to me.
As for who is at fault I would say it's is NEVER the one whose trust has been broken. She may be a Witch - but the man had the choice to leave if he was not happy, instead (or before) of taking up with someone else. If the other woman did not know he was a lying, cheat who was married ~ she is also a victim.
If the other woman did know he was married and continued on - (This is possibly where many will disagree with me... but please read to the end)She is still not to blame .. she is single and free to do as she wishes (I'm not saying she is right to do it).. He is married and has made the commitment of marriage to his wife. As for the (other) woman she will always wonder in the back of her mind - if he will eventually cheat on her; that would be a terrible way to live, never fulling trusting someone ~ but is a choice She made... as the saying goes "you've made your bed, now you must lay in it".
Personally, if a relationship no longer works for one partner, it is the responsibility of that partner to end things ( before considering - moving on mentally, emotionally or physically- to another relationship) .. it's called dignity and respect.
Debby, all I can say is there is a Prince out there for us all, unfortunately we seem to have to kiss some TOADS and jerks to get to him.
Wishing you a fabulous week-end... lots of over night snow here...:( xo Blessings, HHL
Ooooh, yes!!! Have a wonderful Sunday!
ReplyDeleteKristin xx
Great post. I think it's always so much easier to blame the woman because you don't know her and it's harder to believe that your man, whom you have loved and trusted could actually hurt you like that. Luckily I've never been in this situation and if my guy were to stray, that would be it. There's just no relationship when the trust is broken.
ReplyDeletethis was very interesting posting. i think there is players among both men´s and women's ,,it depends a lot of the personality. Its kind of "odd" think to see how women´s often have very intense relations whit other women´s..often blaming or something. life is not a contests and everyone is winner :) and well..mens have also competitiveness often and other men can be seen as some sort of thread. Well.. its a lot doing whit personality. i dont like playing those kind of games.. Betraying is horrible, and i think its very hard to build relationships back once its been broke. I still believe a true love. =)
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